wish....

When someday i will die...I wish to hold your hand on my chest and say to the world that I have lived all the happiness of my life in that moment....and die with a smile...

Perhaps

Too long have I ceased myself from writing about my loneliness. It only increased my pain and did nothing else. I had been holding these feelings closely knit to my heart hugging my secrets… and have stretched my arms wide to embrace whatever the world had to offer… I succumbed to accept the rather MUNDANE, the MOMENTARY, the things that were served to me. I could hear my soul revolt, scream and after losing the battle cry…but I had to live to get that LOVE… for I wage this lonely battle for my most cherished ideal: for LOVE.

I have worship the feeling of LOVE for I respect the person I LOVE. Venerating it with passion and adoration, I hug it close to my soul, praising it beyond all others. I water Love with my tears giving my all to it. I keep losing my garb of humility and stand alone, severe yet proud. I fall in Love, once, twice, a million times with HIM.

I have surrendered to Love with complete abandon. I have no thought for my own happiness. I wish to ask HIM if HE wanted Love like I did; if HE knew the agony that this hunt entailed. I wonder what HE would say…My soul is at peace when I hear HIM talk. His words soak my spirit…

I know no one else who could feel Love and pain as intensely as I can. I always wanted LOVE to happen. I waited for it until I met HIM. It was a magic moment when we met… karmic bonding… I can walk through the driest desert, live without water; stand in cold throughout the night. I can take every trial one needs to go through to attain ecstasy; moksha; nirvana; deliverance.

He is just so perfect. Everything is perfect when he is around. Now I can’t settle for the less than perfect. I live for HIM. He is mu LOVE…like the shades of the sea, the aura of the sky...ever-changing, ever attractive…

Everyone asks me about the future…I don’t know the future…I have not seen the future… In times of need I reach to my past…I turn to my childhood, I seek solace in the dreams I had dreamt... ideals I believed.

Now-a-days I feel “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye”. “What makes the desert beautiful”, says the little prince “is that somewhere it hides a well.” My LOVE to holds a very special place in HIS heart for me…I can sense his presence in the world and that makes my life endearing...the world a mesmerizing place….

Perhaps…

rongin.....

rong shob mile mishe ekakaar.... neel, laal, holud, shobuj, sonali, dhussor, golapi...shob mile mishe ek odbhuture obostha....

neel amar priyo rong (obossyoi tar thekeo beshi bhalo laage kalo)...neel manei amar kache khola akash...aar bheshe jaowa tukro tukro swapno...ami swopno dekhte bhalobashi....amar ek bondhu chhilo...onek choto belay...krutika...christian...ami or bariteegiye thaktaam majhemajhei...uncle amader mango icecream kore khawaten....sunday krutika arr ami church e jetaam...church er dewal gulo neel ronger chhilo...tar opor megher chobi anka...stained glass er janla diye rongeen rodh esche porto amar gaaye haathe....father er chokh ta neel ronger chhilo...ami ekhono janina seta oi neel dewaler reflection chhilo kina....
laal amar kache amar ager office er boss....neelanjana r priyo rong laal...oi ghor e shob kichu te laal er abha...fab india theke kena natun laal kurta, gift e pawa titan er laal band er ghori, amar arr aditi r dewa laal leather er juti, feluda r diary r motto laal diary, laal parker pen, fresh laal gerbera...or chotto cabin ta khub vibrant....mon kharap lagchhe....oi laal muhurto gulo fir e pabo naa arr....laal bolte ekhon khali buddho arr tar party r niskormo kormi ra....
holud mesho r prothom gari...amar khub baje lagto...seta obossyo beshi deen thake ni...alpo koekdeen nei accident e tar iti....
shobuj ghasher opor jogging kortaam ami arr mamon khali paaye....bhorer shishi r paaye lagle naaki chokh bhalo thake....keu bolechhilo....ke seta mone nei....mamon et sobuj churidaar...arr oi shahid afridi r photo te roj raat aar ghum theke uthe kiss kora....pakistan er jersey pora green....shobuj amar kathi ice cream...dutaka diye...onek koste maa er chokh lukiye...ekhon sobuj mane poriborton...maa manti manush
sonali poronto bikeler alo....ei somoy ami eka eka dariye thekechhi lake town er barir reservoir er opor....
golapi...amader english ma'm er saree...golapi amay nandini ma'm ke mone koray...roj uni golapi pore asten...bhari golay british accent e shakespeare er play....onar kaachei prothom shakespeare porechhilam...the tempest...ferdinand arr miranda r love affair....

holi amar kache purono memories....ek ek ta rong ek ekta smriti...identity...

aaj.....ekhon.........

ei muhurto tuko dhore rakhte ichha korchhe khub....ekta nispran dupur...ami eka..oneker majhkhane...sobar majhe thekeo eka thaka jaay...aaj kal boro dukhho bilashi hoye uthechhi ami...ageo chhilam...kintu aaj kaal jeno ektu berechhe jinish ta...sobar majhe thekeo boro eka bodh kori....goto ponero deen e onek kichhu bodhle gechhe...kaaj, kaaj er jayga, kaaj er somoy, kaaj er dhoron...shob...
ei muhurto tuku khub shundoor...ami ekta...eka boro ghor e...amar ashe pashe onek gulo computer e kaaj cholchhe...baire megh...bristi hochhe jhir jhir kore....ei prothom miss korchhi sector V er 6th floor er baranday dariye briti dekha...
kintu somoy ke dhore rakha jaay naa...tahole toh tomar saathe jokhon ektu kotha bolte payi sei khon tuku chirokaal korte partaam....