kameraa
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Saturday, February 28, 2009
someday......
I have already started feeling swish, and important watching movies alone... I buy myself perfumes and chocolates when I so dearly want them... I go to cool ice-cream parlors and coffee bars in the most posh shopping malls and treat myself with a chocolate brownie with ice-cream or simply black coffee... I'll not find another man...wouldn't mind this obnoxious price I have to pay.... I'll stop bothering about the merciless ridicules....
Someday I'll not need a shoulder....someday I'll sleep on my own....
That is seated by the sea;
Often in thought go up and down
The pleasant streets of that dear old town,
And my youth comes back to me.
And a verse of a Lapland song
Is haunting my memory still:
"A boy's will is the wind's will,
And the thoughts of youth are long, long thoughts."
I can see the shadowy lines of its trees,
And catch, in sudden gleams,
The sheen of the far-surrounding seas,
And islands that were the Hesperides
Of all my boyish dreams.
And the burden of that old song,
It murmurs and whispers still:
"A boy's will is the wind's will,
And the thoughts of youth are long, long thoughts."
I remember the black wharves and the ships,
And the sea-tides tossing free;
And Spanish sailors with bearded lips,
And the beauty and mystery of the ships,
And the magic of the sea.
And the voice of that wayward song
Is singing and saying still:
"A boy's will is the wind's will,
And the thoughts of youth are long, long thoughts."
I remember the bulwarks by the shore,
And the fort upon the hill;
The sunrise gun, with its hollow roar,
The drum-beat repeated o'er and o'er,
And the bugle wild and shrill.
And the music of that old song
Throbs in my memory still:
"A boy's will is the wind's will,
And the thoughts of youth are long, long thoughts."
I remember the sea-fight far away,
How it thundered o'er the tide!
And the dead captains, as they lay
In their graves, o'erlooking the tranquil bay
Where they in battle died.
And the sound of that mournful song
Goes through me with a thrill:
"A boy's will is the wind's will,
And the thoughts of youth are long, long thoughts."
I can see the breezy dome of groves,
The shadows of Deering's Woods;
And the friendships old and the early loves
Come back with a Sabbath sound, as of doves
In quiet neighborhoods.
And the verse of that sweet old song,
It flutters and murmurs still:
"A boy's will is the wind's will,
And the thoughts of youth are long, long thoughts."
I remember the gleams and glooms that dart
Across the school-boy's brain;
The song and the silence in the heart,
That in part are prophecies, and in part
Are longings wild and vain.
And the voice of that fitful song
Sings on, and is never still:
"A boy's will is the wind's will,
And the thoughts of youth are long, long thoughts."
There are things of which I may not speak;
There are dreams that cannot die;
There are thoughts that make the strong heart weak,
And bring a pallor into the cheek,
And a mist before the eye.
And the words of that fatal song
Come over me like a chill:
"A boy's will is the wind's will,
And the thoughts of youth are long, long thoughts."
Strange to me now are the forms I meet
When I visit the dear old town;
But the native air is pure and sweet,
And the trees that o'ershadow each well-known street,
As they balance up and down,
Are singing the beautiful song,
Are sighing and whispering still:
"A boy's will is the wind's will,
And the thoughts of youth are long, long thoughts."
And Deering's Woods are fresh and fair,
And with joy that is almost pain
My heart goes back to wander there,
And among the dreams of the days that were,
I find my lost youth again.
And the strange and beautiful song,
The groves are repeating it still:
"A boy's will is the wind's will,
And the thoughts of youth are long, long thoughts."
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
JAI HO

Well this years Oscar – It was never this close to my heart. I had worked upon it for months. Writing reviews, gossips and news updates. The 2009 Oscar Prediction keyword went up to rank 3rd in google search engine. I have raised my voice for Slumdog, fighting with all my friends those who predicted the film would be bashed up at the event.
And yes, how happy I was, writing live news updates while the Oscar took place. I was in office since 5 in the morning watching the stars dazzling Red Carpet in designer wear. And I cant express the way I cheered every time Slumdog bagged a nod.
I hear everybody speculate about 8 Oscar nods of the rags to riches story. But hey guys do u remember that the highest degree of cinematic excellence is awarded at the Oscars where films like Titanic take home 11 nods? So what even if the most boring, bespectacled, loaded with intellect, salt and pepper haired cynical critics have written off Slumdog Millionaire? I am happy for my own country's win. I am happy that Rahman has become the first Indian to win 2 Oscars. Whatever it is... I, like an average minded person, only feel that OUR Rahman has swayed 2 Oscar nods.... Now its our Rahman….no more communal colors guys!
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
dark circles

Our love will never end...Every time, I was made to live my life without u, I wished I could tear myself away from the mess...long sleepless nights, pillows dampen with choked sobs, a night-long of wait until random thoughts start rumbling...i walk to gaze at the beggar sleeping on the footpath near the light post on the other side of the window. Without me, I thought the whole world could sleep...even u... Like I desperately want to. Sleep in peace...at least tonight... memories were cluttering in my mind....I dreamt poems I wrote when I fell in love...ten years too late...wish I could borrow my dreams I had dreamt then to see you once....dark circles fill a larger part of my face...if u weren't there I would have my own mornings, my own little triumphs, my won joys and celebrations...i am now a selfish soul...i laugh to see the sadness in his eyes...i puke when my friends share their sorrows with mee....i ball to see him suffer....
Monday, February 2, 2009
We met...after a long time...we were not destined to...yet we met...and as we had thought...we ignored...did he wanna clear d air???...i thought....my heart was beating faster as our eyes met...now it was my turn...i will make him feel like an insect....make him want mee...want to speak to mee...but it's of no use...everything has changed...twas too late...there would be no choice of going back now...hmph...i wish d pages were written in pencil...an eraser would have sufficed...but then d impressions remain...Saturday, January 31, 2009
amar raat jaga tara

Amar Bhindeshi Tara
Akaa Rateri Akashe
Tumi Bajale Aktara
Amar Chilekotahr Pashe
Thik Shondhe Namar Mukhe
Tomar Naam Dhore Keu Daake
Mukh Lukiye Kaar Buke
Tomar Golpo Bolo Kaake
Amar Raat Jaga Tara
Tomar Onno Parae Bari
Amar Bhoy Pawa Chehara
Ami Adote Anari ||
Amar Akaash Dekha Ghuri
Kichu Mitthe Bahaduri
Amar Chokh Bedhe Dao Alo
Dao Shanto Shitol Pati
Tumi Mayer Moto Bhalo
Ami Aklati Poth Haati
Amar Bichiri Ak Tara
Tumi Nao Na Kotah Kaan E
Tomar Kisher Ato Tara
Rasta Paar Hobe Shabdhane
Tomar Gaye Lagena Dhulo
Amar Dumutho Chal Chulo
Rakho Shorir Haat E Jodi
Aar Jol Makho Dui Haat E
Pls Ghum Hoye Jao Chokhe
Amar Mon Kharaper Rat E
Amar Rat Jaga Tara
Amar Akash Choya Bari
Ami Paina Chute Tomay
Amar Akla Laage Bhari
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
then what??????????
I belong to you
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Sunday August 3rd
I'll just share how my Sunday August 3rd went by:1. I got up almost around 11 am feeling heavy at heart. Mom’s certainly not impressed.
2. Asmita called and asked if we could go out. I know she desperately wanted to. But when August 3rd is a Sunday, it's just a Sunday more than anything else…than August 3rd…than Friendship Day...Mom's in the house. Dad’s away…so I am expected to be home helping her or may be just giving her company…I hesitated and thought for sometime...then said later….
3. I got a few calls and loads of SMS’. Even my EF (Enemy Friend) wished me. I did not reply…but when she called I had to smile and act nice…
4. I wanted to speak to him…dialed his number twice…my heart became heavy again…before his cell rang I disconnected the line…this process continues for some time until I decided to give up…
5. Asmita called again…we bitched about friends and discussed how much we hated men who have cheated on us…(that’s the bitchy self of mine I love)
6. Even people whom I have long lost in touch with wished me. I can't believe few of the blokes still have my number saved.
7. Mom gets more pissed finding mee on phone since I woke up so she gives me some house-cleaning work to do (needless to mention, I promised her, I would, this Sunday.)
8. After lifting some awfully dusty suitcases and bags I get on to unpacking some cartons. Lots of cleaning takes place for the next 2 hours. I get hold of an old diary. Spend some time thinking about him. I try to SMS him, but finally delete the message after typing.
9. Tania calls. I just recall we decided to meet after 4 years. She kept complaining about not keeping in touch for all these years (have you forgotten sweetheart, you were the one who thought I was after your boyfriend? Naughty, now you accuse me!) We decide to meet in the evening.
10. Have my lunch. Mom’s a great cook. She made chicken, dal and bhaji for lunch.
11. I lie down on bed with “almost single”. I have been reading it almost 5 times now…have read almost 111 pages…this book almost gives me a high…I almost laugh, cry and live with the characters….
12. I fall asleep, when, I don’t know...a call from Tania wakes me…she confirms the time at 5 again.
13. I wake up after half an hour sharp and finally take a bath.
14. Mom’s ready to leave for Debjani Di’s house. I get ready to leave.
15. On my way I stop to buy friendship bands (don’t know why I act so stupid at times)
16. I miss him again...Pray to god to please make him call…curse myself for having no self esteem…
17. As usual Tania hasn’t reached yet. I call her. She comes in the next couple of minutes.
18. We head towards the swimming pool scoop. There is nothing to feel nostalgic. The place has entirely changed.
19. I order for food. Yummm…so what is he isn’t around…I must celebrate the 4th anniversary, I think…
20. We talk talk and talk…the bitching, gossips never empties the chatterbox…
21. Mom calls. I ask her to wait near the foot bridge. It’s my day to help her, I think. I will accompany her to the fish market….eks I just hate it…but I will pretend…like now I am pretending to be fine and happy…I am good at it…the practice made me perfect…
22. We buy vegetables, groceries and raw meat. Head towards home.
23. I switch on the TV and start surfing casually. “pehla nasha, pehla gumar”…that’s his favorite song…OMG I miss him again…and this time I cry… so I switch to some other channel…the stupid laughter show (I hate watching it) makes me laugh…
24. Mom comes in…she wants to watch some Bengali channel…I hand over the remote to her and head to the balcony with “Almost Single”…
25. The dinners ready…I dive into my plate, almost…I didn’t know I was that hungry…I love hogging…I love hogging more when am hungry…
26. It’s almost 10.30…I hit the bed with the remote…put the TV on sleep mode after half an hour…start surfing casually again….
27. Saionee calls…she sounds worried…we talk for a long time…I am becoming a “twitteroholic”.
28. Finally I go to sleep thinking bout him…
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
I wish I could remain awake for some more time...sit, think and write way past midnight…about survival, about pain, joy, friendship, love, hatred, about this world and its people…I wish I and insomnia were good friends…I wish I were a passionate writer...I can barely keep my eyes open now and I can barely think and write...Yet I am craving on the bounds of my sanity that time would come to a halt and stay still for a bit and thoughtful words would lend a hand to my lunacy during that eerie silence in reality…Friday, July 25, 2008
Anek holo agoon niye khela!
Anek holo agoon niye khela!Agoon tomay ki diechhe bolo?
Vesuvius jaagchhe dekho cheye,
Ebar tomar ason tolomolo.
Ajutborsho angarey angarey
Panjor ghirey jwolchhe lelihan-
Jwolchhe hridoy,jwoluk tobe aaj,
Dripto hoye jwoluk abhiman.
Taar cheye ei torol agoon naao
Ason theke ebar eso neme-
Agoon jwalo amaar dhomonite
Chinbo tomay preme,apreme.
Friday, July 18, 2008
back to childhood........

Free periods in school… when I had endless chit chat with friends making loud noise until the teacher from some other class dropped in to give a good piece of thrashing…and then all us either stood on the bench holding ears or kneeled outside the class as a mark of punishment…lunch break and we are out in the play ground pushing each other in a football game…fighting over silly issues with friends that would hardly last an hour…
Little games at the park where we all would meet in the evening back from school…there I would be sitting on the park bench as I grew up from a kid into a lady…sit there with my close circle and talk about life…from non-stop running that would take my breath out it became long casual walks…
Sunday, June 22, 2008
the last words....

hie,
I feel a lil strange to write to you...i dont know where do i start of, proceed and then conclude...my heart wants to pour out a lot...talk of my life, my dreams, aspirations, my sufferings, my anguish, my pain , my very being....thoughts, which have flown so easily out of my heart, today does not even find the right path to move....
i think no one on this earth has ever loved withouth getting hurt...it is a part and parcel of the relationship..i still cant believe that u have someone else in your life...someone who has become more dear to you than mee...i still dont believe that i am just a past for you now...
you are my lifeline even today...my world...my entire system...even today....i love you with all my heart...even today...when i cant touch you, hold you, kiss you, smell you, feel you, and perhaps love you...you have seized every right from mee....all i can do is sit here chained..and wish...wish i could change things they way they are...wish i cud be around to hold you in a stormy night...wish i cud be ur biggest support when u need...wish i cud make you smile even in the darkest hours of life...but i cant....my belief is shaken....i have no control over my life...not any longer i trust myself...
the day i fell in love with you i promised myself never to leave you alone... never leave you to the ravages of the world and never ever lonely...i shall weep your disappintments away and smile heartily at your rejoicing...everyday i wished to be by your side and make you feel that i care...
now i cant even see you or hear you...not even feel your presence...i cant tame my heart...it still loves you...it always will...i read somewhere "the most beautiful things in life are often the ones we cannot see...What makes the desert beautiful is the fact that it hides a well somewhere"...i do not want the world and its people to hurt you ever....mundane prosaicness are stored for myself...i trust you...i knw "my sri can never go wrong" (only if you allow mee to call you mine when am alone)... People haven’t learnt yet to rise above themselves...You certainly will...
I have knwn unbounded happiness when I have heard the thud of your heart....when i have sensed your breath..when i have felt your touch....I have throbbed with the pulse of life when you have lovingly looked into my eyes...I have survived days by the strength of the love we have borne each other and I have lived a life called “you”... you make such a difference to my life...with all your power...i smile when you smile...i cry when we dont speak...i live each day for you...and perhaps will sleep quietly now....
there is perhaps a small box in our head that holds all crapy memories...and it becomes alive when we are low...these memories, they make us feel as if everything has come to a halt...i have reached the edge of my life...if i stay i will die...if i jump i will die...i pray to the god of death to come by stealth and steal my breath away...it is such a moment when i like others have realized who matters, who never did, who wont anymore and who always will....and without whom i cant think...
I shall walk every step of your life with you even when my soul will rest in peace....my soul inseparably entwined with yours...
“My whole heart rises up to bless
Friday, June 20, 2008
rain....

it rained here last nite...i was working on a project for late...there wasn't ne forecast from before...i didn't check the time when the downfall began...cud be 2 cud be later...i rushed to the back yard...i had left my shoes there.....by the time i reached they were filled with water....the downpour drenched me entirely...water dripping down my head...the cold crystals touched me all over and gave me a sensational feeling...i had goosebumps...i took of the clutch and let my hair down...i cud hear nothing but the rain...rain on the tinned roof...rain on the concrete roads...rain on the leaves, rain on the glass, rain on the already filled buckets...twas amazing...i heard the Brazilian samba and African Calypso beat louder and louder....
Saturday, May 3, 2008
amar birsti bheja dupur...

amar dupur ta aaj boro nijhum.... more gechhe prokiti....janlar kalo kanch diye meghla akaash aro mon ta ke bhari kore tulchhe....ektu age barandaye giye dariyechhilaam....boro gumot arr beshka gorom....akash er rong dhusor....duur e infinity arr CTS er building duto jeno mishe gechhe oi dhusor akasher saathe...fir e elaam nijer seate....mon mora hoye coffee r cup e chotto chumuk....Allianz er opor ekta article likhte hobe... german based firm ekta....world's leading financial service provider....mon na boshleo jor kore kaaj mon dilaam.... lekha tokhon pray shesh......chokh tule dekhi janlar thik pashei under construction baritar baansh e bandha ekta kalo chapa kapor khub jor e urchhe....tobe ki jhor uthlo....baire gelaam chhute....kalo megher anchol uriye tokhon prithibi matowara.....nalban er jheel er opar theke ekrash kalo megh dheye aschhe edike....aaj jhor er kaache amar ektai chaowa....ektu khani bristi....gorom er shondhaye amar bristir jonne mon kemon kore....boshonter bhor e amar bristir jonne mon kemon kore....sheet er misti dupur e amar bristi r jonne mon kemon kore....kalo megh mathar opor diye tokhon ure cholechhe kon sudure......ichha holo tar hath dhore amio chole jayi.....hariye jayi megh er deshe.... boro boro fontaye bristi namlo....jodi half day niye beriye porte partaam?? sobhuj ghasher opor jodi khali paye hathte partaam ei muhurte....payer tolay thanda bheja jol lagto amar...siure uthto somosto sorir......jhom jhomiye bristi namto charidike.....ami eka.....shukno shal pata mathaye diye gaacher tolay dariye.....kaan pete shuntaam bristir rimjhim....gachher pataye nupurer awaj....chokh mele dekhtaam ojhor dhare bristi.....bristir chador gaaye mure hente choltaam kono ojana poth e..... khanik pore bristi thamle abar baire gelaam.....durer akash e saath ronga ramdhonu...?? naki amar mon gora bhabna dana mele neel akashta ke rangiye dilo.... ki jaani.....amar du chokkhe tokhon swapno.....ojhor dhare bristi te bhejar swapno.....eka....othoba bhalo lagar kono ek manushe r saathe.....
Thursday, April 17, 2008
a song...
Each one for me, can only be, another day without you
I put the street beneath my feet, so not to think about you
But every sound and every sight unlocks a picture of you
Each memory a rush of joy and pain
If only I could hold you once again!
And if we laughed and if we cried we did it all together
It never once crossed my mind it wouldn't last forever
One mistake, that's all it takes and then
You turn around, you're on your own again
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
a poetry by a friend...

Brishti chaile je deen shei deen thekei amar ekhane
jhorna...tumulsharadeen...meghla dhusor charpash
Hawa-r beg, aklanto okritrim
Onaghrato sonda aghraan...
buk bhore tene ni
Khuje phiri shei chena chena sukh
kundoli pakie dhoa amar chokrobuhho
Bondee chaar dewaal aar mukto mon
Bheja sobuj aar harano neel
Ochena torunee-r chokh e chokh
Mridu hashi...
thoth er ek kon Shonalee agun perie jontronae beke thake
Abar dekha hoa-r age heshe othar prostuti
Buuk hate shorisrip, dhuloe poth cholar chobi
Carpet e upur hoe achi...
jani odrishyo ei jongomota
Brishti cheyecho jedeen ami plabon boe enechi
Dyakho matha nue pore ache gach...
Klanto hahakaar e bhore sondha
Mon kharap korbo shei ichhe tuku-o nei
Beche achi bodh tuku-i khali amar
Baki tuku lukono ache, thak
Aaj Ami brishti chai na aar
Roddur ami ghreena kori...
Monday, April 7, 2008
silence
Saturday, April 5, 2008
the dawn arrives….

I was sleeping one night and suddenly felt this emptiness all around mee...it was a magical moment...the whole world was painted black and there was no trace of a second color anywhere else apart from what I irked on myself…and then a little girl came from the darkness, with a palette and a brush in her hand and started painting all around mee...the darkness changed bright colors…there were rich hues and contrasts and a blend of colors all around me…it was magical…I woke up to discover myself sitting amidst dark…the little girl was like a spring of muse in the sheer dark night...my heart has longed to breathe fresh air…I longed for to change the world with the 'magic' brush...the absence had grown each day and now it can’t be contained… since then I had searched for the magic brush…the quest is still on…I want to paint this world with bright shades of life…the world is changing fast…getting crowded by materialistic thoughts…I shall not cease to chase shadows…I shall not stop uncovering the mist in front of me, to hunt for what I want…I shall keep recovering the rotten, untidy and damp corners of my memories and plow the images that deserves to be carefully contained…at times I have seen people surrendering to the pressures of the enormously challenging world dictating their senses…with each passing moment new relations had crept in their lives…new loyalty and newer responsibilities…and with them the earlier ones get shaded away…people take a back seat to lay behind the old relationships…unattended…forgotten...this is human nature in its cruelest form…but its competitive best…we name it as “rationally correct attitude” in today’s GLOBAL WORLD...we try to earn our daily bread and store some for the future…we try to provide security to our family…we try to be responsible…we try to accomplish the wishes of our family…parents, grandparents, siblings…we try to walk out of hollow relations and build fruitful ones…we try to hunt for victory, for gains, profits, accomplishments and honor…we try to create an identity of our own…a recognition unshaken, firm, successful, happy! The race to get things right continues, taking new shapes, new forms and new definitions…but the race goes on with the carrot dangling right in front of you…the night approaches at the end of dusk…the world turns dark, murky, isolated, gloomy and not worth exploring…not at least the little girl comes along with her colors and shades and contrasts and strokes…not at least till she waves her magic brush to things turn bright again...the dawn arrives….